Desperation
by Risknight
Summary: Giles is stunned when Ethan asks him for help. He's even more shocked by the kind of help Ethan needs.


**This is set after the 7th season, but ignores the comics and changes a few details. Dawn didn't survive Sunnydale, but Anya did. (Mostly because I never really like Dawn, and I loved Anya.)**

* * *

Giles was just opening a box of Jaffa cakes when there was a knock on the door. He leaned out the door. "Willow? Could you get that? It's probably the pizza." He started to go back to the tray but paused. "And don't let Kennedy into the breadsticks!"

Kennedy stuck out her tongue while Xander chuckled. Willow grabbed her wallet and opened the door. "How much?" she asked, looking through her cash.

"I'm actually not for sale, pet."

Giles almost dropped the teapot when he heard that voice. In a heartbeat he was out of the kitchen and pulling Willow away from the door. "What the hell do you want?" he demanded.

"Hello, Ripper. We need to talk."

* * *

Giles watched Ethan warily as he paced between the desk and the couch. Willow and Kennedy sat near the fireplace, their expressions showing their unease. Kennedy had never met Ethan Rayne, but she had heard stories. Anya and Xander were in the kitchen, making dinner, but mostly to keep away from their 'guest'.

"So, what's so important that you would come here, and risk having me kick your arse?" Giles growled.

Ethan stopped moving, his shoulders slumping. "I'm losing her," he said softly.

Giles frowned, not sure what to make of the way Ethan was behaving. "What are you talking about?"

Ethan looked around the room nervously. "Look, I'd rather eat my own heart than ask you or your witch for help. If there was anyone else I could turn to, anyone at all, I would be there instead. But she's fading before my eyes and if you won't help me, she'll die."

Giles felt the urge to shut Ethan up. Whatever his old friend/nemesis wanted, it was huge. It was likely illegal. And it was obvious that Ethan was desperate. "What are you talking about? Who is 'she'?"

Ethan sighed and looked at Giles fully. "I love her," he said softly. "At first, I stuck by her for sport. It was obvious she was… damaged. But it wasn't long before I began to worry about her. The longer we spent time together, the more I learned about her, the more I grew to care for her. I swear to you, she is more important to me that my own life."

Willow stood, her eyes wide with shock. "Who?" the redhead demanded. "Tell me it's not who I think it is!"

A sudden suspicion hit Giles, and his stomach rolled. No! It couldn't be!

"Buffy," Ethan said softly. "She's sick. Really sick. And if you don't help us, she's going to die."

Giles felt the pain in his knuckles before he even realized he threw the punch.

* * *

Giles approached the bed slowly. His eyes devoured every inch of her he could see. To his eyes, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Not even the bandages and scars could detract from that. He sat on the edge of the bed and gently moved her hair from her face.

A jagged, almost invisible scar transected her left cheek from ear to jaw. It came from a blade of some sort. There were thin, fine scars across her shoulder, forming a delicate pattern. He had seen scars like those before. She had run through a fire spider's web. A thick white bandage covered a wound on her upper arm. He lifted the blanket to look at the bandages wrapped around her abdomen and left hip.

He frowned when he saw the red lines radiating from the injuries. He took another look at her, noting how pale she was. He tucked the blanket back around her as gently as he could. Buffy moaned softly and her brow wrinkled in discomfort. Giles leaned closer to smooth her hair soothingly. Buffy writhed a bit and her moans grew louder.

Ethan walked in, moving quickly to the other side of the bed. Giles felt a fierce pride at the rapidly spreading bruise around Ethan's eye. When Ethan slipped into the bed to cradle Buffy's body to his own, he fought the urge to blacken the other one.

"I'm here," he whispered into her hair. "Relax, Love. I'm right here with you."

Giles watched with shock as Buffy's hand rose to cling to Ethan's shoulder, her eyes still closed wearily. He leaned a little closer to catch her words.

"You worry too much," she tried to tease. Her voice was raspy and weak, and he could see it used a lot of energy for her to speak. "Just hold me."

Giles could see the fear and pain in Ethan's eyes as he tried to smile down at her. "You need to rest," he said gently. "When you're better you can chastise me for worrying."

"Deal," she mumbled.

Ethan rubbed her back and murmured soothingly until she drifted off again. He eased her back onto the pillows and slid from the bed. He motioned for Giles to follow him out of the room. They headed back into the kitchen where Willow, Kennedy, Xander and Anya waited.

"Can I see her?" Willow asked quickly.

Giles ran a hand through his hair. "How did this happen? How did you and…"

Ethan sat down at the table and picked up a small crystal. He ran his thumb over it gently. "After Sunnydale was destroyed and she lost her sister, you know how she was. Listless and lost. I believe it was you, Ripper, who suggested she take a trip. A vacation, I guess."

"Only the vacation went beyond the week I thought it would," Giles growled. "Buffy stayed away. She would send us messages telling us where she was and that she was fine. She never mentioned a traveling companion! How long?"

"17 months!" Ethan growled. "She and I traveled together for 17 months. You want to know why she stayed away? You sent her emails full of complaints and guilt! You never asked how she was. You asked when she was going to get back to her duties. You implied she was abandoning her calling. Or you complained that she was off having fun while you five did all the work! You have hundreds, maybe even thousands of slayers, but you still wanted to put everything on her shoulders!

Well, she can't be your 'chosen one' anymore. Everything and everyone she ever loved and lost weighs her down. Not a single night passes that she doesn't wake up from some nightmare. I wouldn't let you drag her back into that."

"Maybe it's not your decision," Kennedy argued. "Slayers have a duty…"

"It's more mine that yours!" Ethan shouted. "She is with me because she wants to be, not because of duty!"

From upstairs they could hear whimpering. Ethan pushed through the group quickly. He hurried up the stairs. Giles followed and Xander motioned for the rest of the group to head up as well. Xander was determined to see his friend and he wasn't going to wait on an invitation.

Ethan slid into the bed and pulled Buffy onto his lap, cradling her close to his chest. He noticed the others in the doorway, but he would worry about them later. "Shhh," he whispered. "You're safe."

Buffy opened her eyes and looked at him. Her hand rose to lightly touch the bruising on his face. "You went to Giles," she said sadly.

Ethan's gaze darted toward the group by the door and he nodded. "I'm worried about you, Love. You're getting worse and you know it."

Buffy sighed and nodded. "Let's get this over with," she mumbled. Ethan nodded and stood with her in his arms, He walked to the door, the group parting to let him through after only a slight pause. Giles jumped slightly when Buffy reached out and lightly tugged on his arm.

The group went down the stairs, through the kitchen and out into the backyard. Ethan settled Buffy into a hammock, making sure the blanket was snug around her. Everyone could see the tender way she looked at him.

Buffy looked over at them and smiled tiredly. "Hey, guys. Miss me?"

Willow moved quickly to hug her, but the flinch Buffy gave froze her in her tracks. Ethan started to move between them but Buffy grabbed Willow's arm. She looked at the redhead and sighed. "Sorry. I'm just a little sore. It's great to see you, Will. Hey, Xan. Anya, Kennedy, thanks for coming."

Buffy studied Giles for a long moment. "Hey, Watcher-mine. Miss me?"

Giles gave her a soft smile. "Of course I did." He glanced at Ethan before walking over. "How have you been?"

Buffy reached over with her free hand and threaded her fingers through Ethan's. "Mostly good. Did you get it out of your system?" Ethan snorted, touching his black eye but kept his mouth shut.

Giles pulled a chair closer and sat down. "Tell me the truth. How bad is it?"

Buffy glanced around the group and then turned to Ethan. "Tea?" she asked softly.

Ethan nodded and released her hand. He kissed her cheek and headed back inside. As soon as the door closed behind him Buffy seemed to shrink a little. Giles realized it was only her strength of will keeping her from collapsing.

"I'm dying," she said softly. Willow gasped and shook her head, but Buffy nodded. "Don't," she begged. "I can feel it. I'm barely alive now. It's a blood curse. We ran into a Hamburger demon."

"Haum'berth?" Giles guessed. His blood ran cold, knowing just how deadly and rare those creatures were.

Buffy nodded. "We killed it, but not before it infected me."

"What's the cure?" Xander demanded. "We get the cure and you'll be okay, right?"

Giles closed his eyes tight against the tears forming in his eyes. "The cure is the demon itself. It has to bless her to remove the poison. If the demon is dead…"

"So am I," Buffy said matter-of-factly. "Ethan thinks we can delay it, but I know better." She looked at Giles. "So do you. I'm glad you are here. He's going to need you."

Willow couldn't keep quiet anymore. "Buffy? How could you…with him…I mean, he's not a nice guy!"

Buffy looked at her briefly before turned her attention back to Giles. "I love him. You know he's not evil. Misguided, mischievous, and a bit impulsive, but he's a good man. He loves me, Giles. He know my faults and he loves me anyway."

Shudders wracked her body for a moment, scaring Giles. He opened his mouth to call for Ethan, but Buffy grabbed his wrist. When she caught her breath she looked at him pleadingly. "Take care of him for me? He needs you more than either of you know. Despite everything that he did, he's always loved you. Like a child, he acted out to get your attention. Promise me?"

Giles took a moment to steady his voice. "I promise," he said gently. "Buffy, you know I could never deny you anything."

She smiled wistfully. "I know. I'm sorry I wasn't always the Slayer you wished I was. I did my best. I did what I thought best. I love you, Giles. You've been my strength. I'm so sorry for so many things."

Giles shook his head quickly. "I have always been proud of you. Even when we disagreed, I was proud of you. How could I not be? You are an amazing woman, Buffy Summers. Never think I didn't love you, too."

She studied him for a moment and then nodded. "Go make sure he's okay. I want to talk to the others."

Giles nodded and relinquished his seat to Willow. He walked into the kitchen and found Ethan leaning against the counter, his shoulders shaking from silent sobs. That, more than words or promises, proved to him that Ethan loved Buffy. He cross the floor and wrapped his arms around his old friend. Ethan's hands clung to his neck as he sobbed brokenly. Through the window Giles could see Buffy and the others talking softly, exchanging hugs and tear-filled smiles. There was no denying the knowledge and calm acceptance of her fate in Buffy's eyes. It made him even more proud of her strength, willpower and heart.

* * *

She lingered another three days. Everyone took turns watching over her. It was Anya who woke them all at 4:18 in the morning, tears pouring down her cheeks. Giles was glad, in a way. Ethan was devastated enough without watching her take her last breath. On one hand Giles wished he had been with her in her last moments, but he was also sure that it would have destroyed a part of him to watch her die again.

Ethan insisted on having her cremated. She had once made him promise she would never be brought back again, and he was determined to honor that. He disappeared the day they received her ashes. Giles was getting frantic when Ethan walked back into the house at nightfall. He took one look at the devastation in Ethan's eyes and knew Buffy was right. Ethan needed him. He led his old friend to the couch, opened a bottle of scotch and they sat and toasted the woman who had defied destiny and convention her entire life.

Ethan had no idea what the future held, but for now he had a warm fire, a good scotch and an old friend to share some memories with. And he knew, with absolute certainty, that there was a wonderful, miraculous woman waiting for them both on the other side of the veil.

* * *

**A/N: So, this is my first trip into the realm of BtVS fanfiction. Maybe not a conventional pairing, but one that I've always wondered about in the back of my mind. **


End file.
